My husband doesn't know that I can see
"Mas Heru!" I muttered with a fully developed smile. There was the sound of a car screeching into the driveway. I'm sure it's his car. I rushed down from the top floor of my room.
"Mom, be careful walking, don't run!" Mbok Yem, a household assistant who has been working with my family for a long time, sounded worried but I didn't care. I was too happy to keep running happily to welcome the arrival of a soulmate. Mas Heru, a husband who faithfully accompanies me both happy and sad. Especially when I slumped to lose my sight, he remained faithful beside me.
I can't wait to surprise him. He must not have thought that I could see.
But before I reached the front door, my steps stopped, my smile disappeared instantly when these eyes saw clearly from behind the glass windows of the house, that Mas Heru got out of the car with Lastri--my secretary and also my close friend. It's not unusual, because they often come together to this house. But it becomes awkward when the two walk hand in hand. Love again.
My heart is beating faster, my chest is pounding. My body stiffened instantly.
What's this? It wasn't him who should be surprised, but me. Have they been that close all this time, but Lastri is my best friend.
Immediately I turned around and sat in the guest chair with a confused mind. Kuraba this chest. The sound of his pulse still sounded irregular.
Impossible. Maybe I just misunderstood. Lastri can not stab me from behind.
Try to think positive. But it's hard to see their happy smiles, the side of my heart refuses.
The front door sounded opened. Still heard their laughter from where I sat.
I counted in my heart. 'One two three.'
"Delia? How come w--here?" Stuttered Mas Heru asked. He looked surprised to see me sitting alone in the living room. By reflex, he broke Lastri's grip. Then walk closer.
My calculations are right. As long as I'm blind, my hearing is more sensitive. I can count the distance and the sound of footsteps. Can count how many steps from the front door to where I sit or steps to the room. All I know. It turned out that at a time like this the things I had learned when I was blind came in handy.
While Mbok Yem was already standing in front of me with a look that was somehow… full of mystery. As if something was thought or buried. He was seen shaking his head with a scared face towards Mas Heru. Why? I couldn't see it straight away, my head was straight ahead afraid Mas Heru was suspicious.
"Bored, Mas. In the room all the time," I replied flatly. Mas Heru sat next to him. He seemed to be watching me closely. Did my charade get caught?
"It's okay honey, you can walk around this house. You're free to go anywhere. You can go to the back garden too, so you don't get bored. 'Don't you like to see the flowers you planted yourself," she said while stroking my long hair gently. While the other hand in the air coded Lastri to sit across from my chair.
I smiled wryly. "How can I see these flowers Mas, you forget that I ...."
"S--sorry dear. It wasn't your intention to, um... um, sorry," he regretted, immediately cutting me off. Looks guilty.
"Forget it, who are you with, Mas, here? I heard a woman's voice, Lastri, right?" Kusunggingkan a thin smile towards the front. Pretend not to know.
"E... um, yes honey, with Lastri. See, he's sitting in front of you." I nodded with a straight gaze, as if greeting him.
Yes, in front of me the woman sat quietly or indeed quietly, so I wouldn't know she was here.
My husband's secretary. I myself recommended it to Mas Heru, because at that time Lastri really needed a job. I'll just ask Mas Heru to accept it, whatever it is, as long as he works because at that time he really needed it.
From here, I can see him smiling stifled by looking at me sarcastically. Sit with jumawa while lifting one leg over the other. Deliberately showing her smooth thighs.
What for? What is to attract Mas Heru's attention? heh! The skirt is too short. As far as I know, this was not the way she dressed.
"Mbok Yem, you can go. I'll let Delia take care of it," said Mas Heru to my household assistant.
"Don't!" I screamed refusing to spark surprise on Mas Heru's face. Likewise Lastry.
They were surprised to see me suddenly screaming.
"I mean, Mbok Yem just stay here. I feel calm when she's beside me. If I need anything, it's quicker to get it," I explained.
"Lo, there's already Mas. Usually that's the same. Mbok is gone," said Mas Heru waving his hand to my side.
"But Sir, Mother," said Mbok Yem restrained.
"Mbok," Mas Heru called firmly.
"Y--yes, I'm going." As if scared Mbok Yem passed away from here.
"It's okay, Yang?"
I was silent, slightly nodding my head, not daring to protest. so be it. Maybe that's better. If I keep refusing, my husband can get suspicious of my attitude just now.
"Erm... how are you Las? I haven't seen you for almost a month. Usually you always visit me," I asked casually with him. Change subject.
"Hm, fine. I'm busy. There's a lot of work in the office. Isn't that right, Mas?" He took off his stilettos and walked slowly in front of me. No, not in front of me but turning sideways, towards Mas Heru. Then sit nearby. Very close until Lastri's body pressed against Mas Heru's body. I forced to see it out of the corner of my eye. It's a bit difficult, because it looks vague, but I can make sure his hand is clinging coquettishly on Mas Heru's shoulder.
I was stunned by my vision at this time, I wanted to glare, saw it but I held it. Heartbeat racing fast again. I clenched my fists behind my body, holding back my emotions.
'Patience Delia, patience. Do not be emotional. Pretend you didn't see it. Stand.'
So they've been secretly in a relationship behind my back? Or maybe they have been having an affair for a long time? How heartless.
"Lastri, where are you? Why is his voice like next to me?" I deliberately provoked this question.
There was a faint sound like a whisper, out of the corner of my eye I could see the movement of Mas Heru's hand telling Lastri to return to his seat.
"I'm still here, in front of you, why?" The answer was curt. Sounds annoyed. He has moved into place. Same, with the road made as slow as possible. Trying to trick me, unfortunately I can see it. Did he act like this while I was blind? Pretend to be invisible?
"Why are you here? Visiting me or have work with Mas Heru?" My tone sounded curt as well, it was hard to act natural after seeing his rotten face.
"Yes, we have work together. Must finish tonight." His face was cheerful again, he smiled mischievously while winking at me, to be precise at Mas Heru.
"Yes, honey. We're working overtime tonight, it's fine for you to sleep alone tonight. Erm... I mean sleep first. I'll catch up later when my work is done, you're not angry, are you?" said Mas Heru while stroking my hand which was in his lap.
"Lastry stay?" I asked curiously.
I saw Lastri wanted to nod but Mas Heru's voice said otherwise. "No! After you're done, go straight home. Maybe at ten o'clock, he'll be home at the latest. It's also impossible to be late at night, it's a pity to be late," said Mas Heru explaining.
"It's okay, honey?" Mas Heru repeated his question.
"It's okay, Mas, I understand. Don't push yourself too hard, you'll get sick. It's not funny if you get sick at the same time," I chuckled, I forced myself to be funny, comfort my hurting heart because of their betrayal.
They laughed at my joke.
"Yes honey, no, we can really take care of our health," he said, still with his lips pulled up.
"Mas, please take me up," I begged by holding his hand tightly. It felt lazy to linger sitting here after the atmosphere was suddenly quiet for a moment.
"Oh, yes Honey, let's go! Come here, Mas, guide me."
"Lastri, I'm sorry I left. Make yourself at home," I said goodbye to him. Full of compulsion.
"Sure, sure it is, I already consider it like my second home." The answer made me stop.
Second house? Sorry Las, I will not let that happen. It's only in your mind.
"Why Del? Why stop?" Mas Heru looked surprised.
"It's okay Mas. Come on!" take me again step slowly.
I walked around pretending I didn't see. Keep your eyes focused on the front, don't glance to the right and to the left. I let Mas Heru lead me slowly like a blind man up to the top floor, into our room.
After successfully sitting me on the edge of the bed, Mas Heru walked away. He had said that if you need anything, call him or Mbok Yem. I nod in approval.
I sat and contemplated all of this. My eyes heat up remembering what just happened.
Now I just know that Lastri stabbed me from behind. Turns out they had been having an affair all along. When? Was it long ago or recently when I lost my sight?
Alright Mas, Lastri. I follow your game. Let's fight, who wins and can last longer, me or you?
Suamiku Tidak Tahu Kalau Aku sudah Bisa Melihat
"Mas Heru!" gumamku dengan senyum terkembang sempurna. Terdengar suara deru mobil berjalan memasuki halaman rumah. Aku yakin itu mobilnya. Aku bergegas turun dari lantai atas kamarku.
"Bu, hati-hati jalannya, jangan lari!" Mbok Yem asisten rumah tangga yang sudah lama kerja ikut keluargaku, terdengar khawatir tapi tidak kuhiraukan. Aku terlalu senang hingga terus berlari riang menyambut kedatangan belahan jiwa. Mas Heru, suami yang setia mendampingiku baik senang maupun duka. Apalagi saat aku terpuruk kehilangan penglihatan, dia tetap setia disampingku.
Rasanya tidak sabar memberikan kejutan kepadanya. Pasti dia tidak menyangka kalau aku sudah bisa melihat.
Namun belum sampai di pintu depan, langkahku terhenti, senyumku lenyap seketika saat mata ini melihat dengan jelas dari balik jendela kaca rumah, kalau Mas Heru keluar dari mobil bersama Lastri--sekretaris dan juga merupakan sahabat dekatku. Bukan hal yang aneh, karena mereka sering datang bersama ke rumah ini. Namun menjadi janggal ketika keduanya berjalan bergandengan tangan. Mesra lagi.
Degup jantungku berdetak lebih cepat, dadaku berdebar hebat. Badanku menegang seketika.
Apa ini? Bukan dia yang harusnya terkejut, tapi aku. Apakah selama ini mereka sedekat itu, tapi Lastri kan sahabatku.
Segera aku berbalik dan duduk di kursi tamu dengan pikiran kacau. Kuraba dada ini. Bunyi degupnya masih terdengar tidak beraturan.
Tidak mungkin. Mungkin aku cuma salah paham saja. Lastri tak mungkin menusukku dari belakang.
Mencoba berpikir positif. Namun rasanya sulit melihat senyum bahagia mereka, sisi hatiku menolak.
Pintu depan terdengar dibuka. Masih terdengar gelak tawa mereka dari tempatku duduk.
Kuhitung dalam hati. 'Satu … dua … tiga.'
"Delia? Kok a--ada di sini?" Tergagap Mas Heru bertanya. Dia tampak terkejut melihatku duduk sendirian di ruang tamu. Refleks dia melerai genggaman tangan Lastri. Lalu berjalan mendekat.
Perhitunganku tepat. Selama aku buta, pendengaranku lebih sensitif. Aku dapat menghitung jarak dan suara langkah kaki. Dapat menghitung berapa langkah dari arah pintu depan sampai ke tempatku duduk atau langkah menuju kamar. Semua aku tahu. Ternyata di saat seperti ini hal yang telah kupelajari saat buta sangat berguna.
Sedang Mbok Yem sudah berdiri di depanku dengan tatapan yang entah .., penuh misteri. Seperti ada yang dipikirkan atau dipendam. Dia terlihat menggelengkan kepala dengan wajah takut mengarah ke Mas Heru. Kenapa? Aku tidak dapat melihatnya langsung, kepalaku lurus ke depan takut Mas Heru curiga.
"Bosan, Mas. Di kamar terus," jawabku datar. Mas Heru duduk di sebelah. Dia seperti mengamatiku lekat. Apa sandiwaraku ketahuan ya?
"Nggak papa sayang, kamu kan bisa keliling rumah ini. Bebas mau kemana saja. Ke taman belakang juga bisa, biar nggak bosan. 'Kan kamu suka lihat bunga-bunga yang kamu tanam sendiri," ujarnya sambil mengelus lembut rambut panjangku. Sedang tangan sebelahnya di udara mengkode Lastri untuk duduk di seberang kursiku.
Aku tersenyum kecut. "Bagaimana aku bisa melihat bunga tersebut Mas, kamu lupa kalau aku ...."
"Ma--maaf Sayang. Bukan maksud Mas untuk, e … ehm, maaf," sesalnya langsung memotong ucapanku. Tampak merasa bersalah.
"Lupakan, kamu sama siapa Mas ke sini? Kudengar tadi ada suara perempuan, Lastri ya?" Kusunggingkan senyum tipis ke arah depan. Berpura tidak tahu.
"E … ehm, iya Sayang, sama Lastri. Tuh, dia duduk di depanmu." Aku mengangguk dengan tatapan lurus ke depan, seolah menyapanya.
Ya, di depanku wanita itu duduk dengan diam atau memang sangaja diam-diam, agar aku tak tahu kalau dia ada di sini.
Sekretaris suamiku. Aku sendiri yang merekomendasikannya kepada Mas Heru, karena waktu itu Lastri sangat butuh pekerjaan. Kupinta saja Mas Heru untuk menerimanya, entah sebagai apa, asal dia bekerja karena saat itu dia sangat membutuhkannya.
Dari sini, dapat kulihat dia tersenyum tertahan dengan menatapku sinis. Duduk dengan jumawa sambil mengangkat satu kakinya ke atas kaki lainnya. Sengaja memperlihatkan paha mulusnya.
Untuk apa? Apa untuk menarik perhatian Mas Heru? Heh! Roknya terlalu pendek. Setahuku dulu tidak seperti ini cara berpakaiannya.
"Mbok Yem, bisa pergi. Biar Delia saya yang urus," titah mas Heru pada asisten rumah tanggaku itu.
"Jangan!" jeritku menolak memantik keterkejutan di wajah Mas Heru. Begitupun Lastri.
Mereka terkejut melihatku tiba-tiba berteriak.
"Maksudku, Mbok Yem tetap di sini saja. Aku merasa tenang kalau dia berada di sampingku. Kalau aku butuh apa-apa, jadi lebih cepat diambilkan," ujarku menjelaskan.
"Lo, kan sudah ada Mas. Biasanya juga begitu. Sudah Mbok pergilah," ucap Mas Heru mengibaskan tangan ke arah sampingku.
"Tapi Pak, Ibu," sahut Mbok Yem tertahan.
"Mbok," panggil tegas Mas Heru.
"I--iya, saya pergi." Seperti takut Mbok Yem berlalu pergi dari sini.
"Nggak papa kan, Yang?"
Aku diam, sedikit menganggukkan kepala, tak berani protes. Biarlah. Mungkin itu lebih baik. Kalau tetap kularang, suamiku itu bisa curiga dengan sikapku barusan.
"Ehm … bagaimana kabarmu Las? Hampir sebulan aku tidak melihatmu. Biasanya kamu selalu mengunjungiku," tanyaku berbasa-basi dengannya. Mengalihkan pembicaraan.
"Hm, baik. Aku sibuk. Pekerjaan di kantor sangat banyak. Iya kan, Mas?" Dia melepas stilettonya dan berjalan pelan maju ke depanku. Tidak, bukan ke depanku tapi berbelok ke samping, ke arah Mas Heru. Lalu duduk di dekatnya. Sangat dekat sampai tubuh Lastri menempel ke tubuh Mas Heru. Kupaksakan melihatnya dari ekor mataku. Agak sulit, karena terlihat samar, tapi dapat kupastikan tangannya bergelayut manja di bahu Mas Heru.
Aku terhenyak takjub akan penglihatanku saat ini, ingin kumelotot, melihatnya namun kutahan. Degup jantung berpacu cepat lagi. Kukepalkan tangan ke belakang badan, menahan emosi.
'Sabar Delia, sabar. Jangan emosi. Berpuralah kamu tidak melihatnya. Tahan.'
Jadi selama ini mereka diam-diam menjalin hubungan di belakangku? Atau jangan-jangan mereka telah lama berselingkuh? Sungguh tega.
"Lastri, kamu di mana? Kenapa suaranya seperti di sampingku?" Sengaja kupancing pertanyaan ini.
Terdengar sayup suara seperti berbisik, dari sudut mataku dapat kutangkap gerakan tangannya Mas Heru menyuruh Lastri kembali ke tempat duduknya.
"Aku masih di sini, di depanmu, kenapa?" Jawabnya ketus. Terdengar kesal. Dia sudah berpindah ke tempatnya. Sama, dengan jalan dibuat sepelan mungkin. Mencoba mengelabuiku, sayangnya aku bisa melihatnya. Apakah selama aku buta dia bertindak seperti ini? Pura-pura tidak terlihat?
"Kenapa kemari? Mengunjungiku atau ada kerjaan bersama Mas Heru?" Nada suaraku ikutan terdengar ketus, sulit untuk bersikap wajar setelah melihat wajah busuknya.
"Iya, kami ada kerjaan bersama. Harus selesai malam ini." Wajahnya kembali ceria, dia tersenyum nakal sambil mengedipkan mata ke arahku, tepatnya ke arah Mas Heru.
"Iya, Sayang. Kami malam ini lembur, nggak apa kan malam ini kamu tidur sendiri. Ehm … maksudku tidur duluan. Nanti aku nyusul kalau pekerjaanku sudah selesai, kamu nggak marah 'kan?" sahut Mas Heru seraya mengusap tanganku yang berada di pangkuannya.
"Lastri nginap?" tanyaku penasaran.
Kulihat Lastri ingin mengangguk tapi suara Mas Heru berkata sebaliknya. "Tidak! Setelah selesai langsung pulang. Mungkin jam sepuluh, paling lambat dia pulangnya. Nggak mungkin juga larut malam, kasihan kemalaman," timpal Mas Heru menerangkan.
"Nggak papa kan, Sayang?" Mas Heru mengulangi pertanyaannya.
"Nggak apa Mas, aku ngerti. Kerjanya jangan terlalu diforsir nanti kalian sakit. Nggak lucu kan kalau sakitnya barengan juga," Kekehku, kupaksakan melucu menghibur hatiku yang sakit terluka karena penghianatan mereka.
Mereka tergelak ikut menertawakan leluconku.
"Iya Sayang, nggak akan, kami bisa kok jaga kesehatan," sahutnya masih dengan bibir tertarik ke atas.
"Mas, tolong antar aku ke atas," pintaku dengan memegang tangannya erat. Rasanya malas berlama-lama duduk di sini setelah suasana mendadak hening seketika.
"Oh, iya Sayang, yuk! Sini, Mas tuntun."
"Lastri, maaf kutinggal dulu. Anggaplah rumah sendiri," ujarku pamit dengannya. Penuh keterpaksaan.
"Tentu, pasti itu, aku sudah menganggapnya seperti rumah keduaku." Jawabannya membuat langkahku terhenti.
Rumah kedua? Maaf Las, tidak akan kubiarkan itu terjadi. Itu hanya dianganmu saja.
"Kenapa Del? Kok berhenti?" Tampak Mas Heru heran.
"Tidak apa Mas. Ayo!" ajakku lagi kembali melangkah pelan.
Aku berjalan berpura-pura tidak melihat. Mata tetap fokus ke depan tidak melirik ke kanan dan ke kiri. Kubiarkan Mas Heru menuntunku pelan seperti orang buta hingga sampai naik ke lantai atas, ke dalam kamar kami.
Setelah berhasil mendudukkanku ke tepi ranjang, Mas Heru berlalu pergi. Dia sempat berpesan kalau perlu sesuatu panggil lah dia atau Mbok Yem. Aku mengangguk mengiyakan.
Aku terduduk, merenungi ini semua. Mataku memanas mengingat kejadian barusan.
Sekarang baru kutahu kalau Lastri menusukku dari belakang. Ternyata selama ini mereka berselingkuh. Kapan? Sudah lamakah atau baru saja saat aku kehilangan penglihatan?
Baik Mas, Lastri. Aku ikuti permainan kalian. Mari kita bertarung, siapa yang menang dan mampu bertahan bersandiwara lebih lama, aku atau kalian?