DON'T BE A WIdow - OUR MIDWIFE

DON'T BE A WIdow

Every time I open Mas Singgih's cell phone, it's as if I've been thrown back in time. There are many things about this man that I just found out now. About the alarm that is set at six in the morning, at five in the afternoon and at eleven at night with the label "pick up Gendis". Very simple and probably meaningless to others. However, to me it is more than special. 

I know, this is stupid. Opening Mas Singgih's relics is like pouring vinegar onto a wound that is still wet. However, sometimes I do enjoy it. Because then, I will never forget the man who loved me so deeply in various ways. 

I could have laughed while working, said it was okay whenever Nara asked, but in solitude, I still grieved. Death is the most painful way to end a relationship. 

The thunder out there makes me even more lazy to wear shoes. If allowed, it feels like just absent from work today. 

No matter how good I look right now, it will definitely be a mess if I run through the rain to the front alley. The only folding umbrella I have, was borrowed by Ms. Wina yesterday. 

For a few moments, I was stunned on the terrace. There was no sign of the rain letting up for a moment. The sky was completely dark, almost like night. 

Several rented neighbors went to work wearing raincoats. Bang Herman passed by, he stopped and offered a ride. Without thinking twice, I immediately refused outright. Get his name dead if you dare to hitchhike that man. 

"Wanna have some breakfast first?"

The question made me blink and realized that Arbi was now standing on the edge of the terrace. The man's right hand is holding an umbrella, while the other hand is carrying a paper bag. 

He handed me a paper bag—which you can guess was the breakfast menu. I accept it. 

"I'm late," I half squeaked. Since Arbi's question a few nights ago, we have become a little awkward. Not that I'm baper, but.... 

"Okay. Come on," he said. 

The man in the navy blue flannel shirt chuckled as I remained unmoved. "He said it was too late. Come on, hurry up."

"I don't have an umbrella."

"Lots of drama." He waved the umbrella he was holding. "Here, umbrella!"

I glanced at the clock on the left hand. It was too late to turn down Arbi's offer and wait for the rain to subside. There was no choice but to share an umbrella with that man. 

The rain was too heavy so that my right shoulder was still exposed to splashes of water falling from the edge of the umbrella. I did keep my distance so as not to get too close to Arbi. 

Faintly, I could hear the man humming. Even out of the corner of my eye, I saw him occasionally grin. 

Drops of water that fell increasingly wetting my right shoulder. Arbi chuckled. His arms suddenly wrapped around me and brought me closer to him. 

Spontaneously, I turned to the man who was currently staring straight ahead. He also steps without burden despite being this close to me. 

"Don't be nervous. We are just under an umbrella, you don't have to think about the right things," he said lightly. 

Damn it! 

"But your heart is noisy!" I replied. Desperately, I held back my laughter because I saw Arbi's face turning red. 

A moment after getting into the car, we were still shrouded in silence. Until finally, he cleared his throat before driving the car onto the highway. 

"Eat it, huh," he said, glancing at the paper bag in my lap. 

"Later-"

"Eat!"

I sighed and started to take the lunch box out of the paper bag. I took one of the three slices of sandwich neatly arranged in it. 

The combination of eggs, cheese and bacon immediately blends in the mouth. Pretty appetizing for me who is actually lazy to have breakfast. 

"I haven't had breakfast either."

I stopped biting, turned to the human who had just spoken. 

"Keep going?" I asked. 

Instead of answering, Arbi chuckled and glanced at me sarcastically. 

"Oh, want?" I offered. "Here." I pointed at the lunchbox that was on my lap. Two slices of sandwich is enough to fill a man's stomach. 

"You want our car to crash? I'm driving, Gendis." He pointed at the road ahead using his chin. 

"Okay, let's eat it soon. Here, I'll leave two." After saying that, I intend to eat the rest of the sandwich in the right hand. 

Suddenly Arbi took my hand, and ate the half of the sandwich. The movement was lightning fast, almost biting my finger. 

I looked at him in disgust. "Uh..."

"Why?" he asked with his mouth full. "Besides, people don't really understand."

I took a tissue to wipe my finger. Ignoring Arbi, who was grumbling incoherently. Exasperated, I took another sandwich and stuffed it into his mouth. 

he laughed. "Slow down, please. I'm really excited to feed him."

Right, wrong again! Fed GR, not bribed said not understanding. 

“A...” He opened his mouth, just like a child asking his mother to feed him. 

Because the streets were really crowded and visibility was limited, I continued to feed Arbi. Maybe he really was hungry. 

"You don't have to pick me up tomorrow," I said after hearing Arbi sneeze. 

The man's shirt sleeves were wet. Maybe because he was embracing and protecting my right shoulder which was previously hit by raindrops. 

"You have a cold like that-"

"Yes, that's why you moved house, so I don't have to enter the alley when I pick you up," he said. 

"I don't need you to pick me up. I can go alone." I handed him the last sandwich. 

Before taking a bite of the sandwich I handed him, Arbi said, "I just want to make sure that you have breakfast and go to work safely. I don't want anything else to happen to you."

"Mom, I don't want to be a burden for you. I don't need to be pitied and treated like a weak person."

Long horns deafening, making it seem Arbi didn't hear what I said earlier. 

"You're my responsibility," he said suddenly when the car crossed a red light intersection. You can see the minimarket billboard. In less than two minutes, I'll be there. 

"Arbi, I'm nobody to you. No brother, no friend, no sister either. So there's no reason for you to be responsible for taking care of my life." I packed my lunch box and wiped my hands with a tissue. "I don't want to be said to be taking advantage of the situation. Please don't overdo it."

In a moment, we will arrive at the convenience store. I was even prepared to take off my seat belt so I could part with Arbi as soon as possible. 

"So what should I do to take care of you?"

I turned to Arbi. The car actually stopped at the convenience store yard. He pulled on the handbrake casually. 

"You-"

"Should I marry you?" He looked at me fixedly. He raised an eyebrow and seemed to be waiting for an answer. 

***

JANGAN JADI JANDA

Setiap kali membuka ponsel Mas Singgih, aku seperti terlempar lagi ke masa lalu. Banyak hal tentang lelaki itu yang baru kuketahui sekarang. Tentang alarm yang dipasang setiap pukul enam pagi, pukul lima sore, dan pukul sebelas malam dengan label "jemput Gendis". Sangat sederhana dan mungkin bagi orang lain tidak ada artinya. Namun, bagiku itu lebih dari kata spesial.

Aku tahu, ini bodoh. Membuka barang peninggalan Mas Singgih sama halnya mengucuri cuka ke permukaan luka yang masih basah. Namun, terkadang aku memang menikmatinya. Karena dengan begitu, aku tidak akan pernah melupakan lelaki yang mencintaiku sebegitu dalam dengan cara beragam.

Aku bisa saja tertawa saat bekerja, berkata baik-baik saja setiap kali ditanya Nara, tapi dalam kesendirian, aku tetap saja berduka. Kematian adalah cara paling menyakitkan untuk mengakhiri hubungan.

Guntur di luar sana membuat aku semakin malas-malasan mengenakan sepatu. Jika diperbolehkan, rasanya ingin mangkir kerja saja hari ini.

Sebaik apa pun penampilanku saat ini, pasti akan kacau jika menerobos hujan menuju gang depan. Payung lipat satu-satunya yang kupunya, kemarin dipinjam Mbak Wina.

Beberapa saat, aku termangu di teras. Tidak ada tanda-tanda hujan akan mereda barang sejenak. Langit benar-benar kelam, nyaris seperti malam.

Beberapa tetangga kontrakan berangkat kerja mengenakan jas hujan. Bang Herman melintas, dia berhenti dan menawari tumpangan. Tanpa berpikir dua kali, aku langsung menolak mentah-mentah. Cari mati namanya kalau nekat membonceng lelaki itu.

"Mau sarapan dulu?"

Pertanyaan itu membuat aku mengerjap dan tersadar bahwa sekarang Arbi berdiri di tepian teras. Tangan kanan lelaki itu memegangi payung, sementara tangan satunya lagi menenteng paper bag.

Dia menyodorkan paper bag—yang bisa ditebak isinya adalah menu sarapan. Aku menerimanya.

"Aku udah kesiangan," ucapku setengah mencicit. Sejak pertanyaan Arbi beberapa malam lalu, kami memang jadi sedikit canggung. Bukannya aku baper, tapi ….

"Oke. Ayo," ajaknya.

Lelaki berkemeja flanel biru dongker itu berdecak saat aku tetap bergeming. "Katanya udah kesiangan. Ayo, buruan."

"Aku nggak ada payung."

"Banyak drama." Dia menggerak-gerakkan payung yang dipegangnya. "Nih, payung!"

Aku melirik jarum jam di tangan kiri. Sudah terlalu siang untuk menolak tawaran Arbi dan menunggu hujan mereda. Tak ada pilihan selain sepayung berdua dengan lelaki itu.

Hujan terlalu deras sehingga bahu kananku tetap terkena percikan air yang jatuh dari tepian payung. Aku memang menjaga jarak agar tidak terlalu dekat dengan Arbi.

Samar-samar, aku bisa mendengar lelaki itu bersenandung. Bahkan dari ekor mata, aku melihatnya sesekali mengulum senyum.

Tetes air yang jatuh semakin membasahi bahu kananku. Arbi berdecak. Tangannya tiba-tiba merangkul dan membawaku lebih dekat kepadanya.

Spontan, aku menoleh kepada lelaki yang saat ini menatap lurus ke depan. Dia juga melangkah tanpa beban meski berada sedekat ini denganku.

"Jangan baper. Kita cuma sepayung berdua, nggak usah mikir yang iya-iya," ucapnya enteng.

Sialan!

"Tapi jantung kamu berisik!" balasku. Mati-matian, aku menahan tawa karena melihat wajah Arbi memerah.

Sesaat setelah masuk mobil, kami masih diselimuti keheningan. Sampai akhirnya, dia berdeham sebelum melajukan mobil ke jalan raya.

"Dimakan, gih," ucapnya seraya melirik paper bag di pangkuanku.

"Entar—"

"Makan!"

Aku menghela napas dan mulai mengeluarkan kotak makan dari paper bag. Aku mengambil satu dari tiga potong sandwich yang tertata rapi di dalamnya.

Perpaduan telur, keju, dan daging asap langsung berbaur di dalam mulut. Lumayan menggugah selera bagi aku yang sebenarnya malas sarapan.

"Gue juga belum sarapan."

Aku menghentikan gigitan, menoleh kepada manusia yang barusan bersuara.

"Terus?" tanyaku.

Alih-alih menjawab, Arbi justru berdecak dan menatap sinis kepadaku.

"Oh, mau?" tawarku. "Nih." Aku menunjuk kotak makan yang ada di pangkuan. Dua potong sandwich cukuplah untuk mengisi perut laki-laki.

"Lu pengen mobil kita nabrak? Gue lagi nyetir, Gendis." Dia menunjuk jalanan di depan menggunakan dagunya.

"Ya udah, entar aja makannya. Nih, aku sisain dua." Setelah mengucapkan itu, aku berniat menghabiskan sisa sandwich di tangan kanan.

Tiba-tiba Arbi menarik tanganku, dan melahap sandwich yang tinggal separuh. Gerakannya secepat kilat, nyaris saja jariku tergigit.

Aku menatapnya jijik. "Ih …."

"Kenapa?" tanyanya dengan mulut penuh. "Lagian jadi orang nggak pengertian banget."

Aku mengambil tisu untuk mengelap jari. Mengabaikan Arbi yang menggerutu tidak jelas. Gemas, aku mengambil sandwich lagi dan menyumpalkan ke mulutnya.

Dia tertawa. "Pelan-pelan, dong. Semangat banget nyuapinnya."

Kan, salah lagi! Disuapin GR, tidak disuapin dikata tidak pengertian.

"A …." Dia membuka mulut, persis seperti anak kecil yang minta disuapi ibunya.

Karena jalanan memang padat merayap dan jarak pandang terbatas, aku lanjut menyuapi Arbi. Mungkin dia memang benar-benar kelaparan.

"Besok-besok nggak usah jamput, deh," ucapku setelah mendengar Arbi bersin.

Lengan kemeja lelaki itu tampak basah. Mungkin karena merangkul sekaligus melindungi bahu kananku yang sebelumnya terkena tetesan hujan.

"Kamu jadi flu gitu—"

"Ya, makanya lu pindah rumah, biar gue nggak perlu masuk gang kalo jemput," ujarnya.

"Aku nggak perlu kamu jemput. Aku bisa berangkat sendiri." Aku menyodorkan sandwich terakhir kepadanya.

Sebelum menggigit sandwich yang aku sodorkan, Arbi terlebih dulu berkata, "Gue cuma mau mastiin kalo lu sarapan dan berangkat kerja dengan selamat. Gue nggak mau lu kenapa-kenapa lagi."

"Mbas, aku tuh nggak mau jadi beban buat kamu. Aku nggak butuh dikasihani dan diperlakukan kayak orang lemah."

Klakson-klakson panjang memekakkan telinga, membuat Arbi sepertinya tidak mendengar ucapanku tadi.

"Lu itu tanggung jawab gue," ucapnya tiba-tiba saat mobil melintasi perempatan lampu merah. Papan reklame minimarket sudah terlihat. Tidak sampai dua menit lagi, aku akan sampai di sana.

"Arbi, aku itu bukan siapa-siapa kamu. Saudara bukan, teman bukan, adik juga bukan. Jadi nggak ada alasan buat kamu bertanggung jawab ngurusin hidup aku." Aku mengemasi kotak makan dan mengelap tangan menggunakan tisu. "Aku nggak mau dikatain manfaatin keadaan. Tolong nggak usah berlebihan."

Sebentar lagi, kami akan sampai di pelataran minimarket. Aku bahkan sudah bersiap melepas seat belt agar bisa secepatnya berpisah dengan Arbi.

"Jadi, gue harus gimana biar berkewajiban ngurus lu?"

Aku menoleh ke arah Arbi. Mobil benar-benar berhenti di halaman minimarket. Dia menarik rem tangan dengan santai.

"Kamu—"

"Gue harus nikahin lu?" Dia menatapku lekat-lekat. Menaikkan sebelah alisnya dan seperti menunggu jawaban.

***